Spiritual traditions around the world speak of interconnectedness and unity of all living things and reality, but it is so hard to truly fathom. Other individuals do things all the time that we do not understand, that we do not know about. They act in ways that appear so counter to our own free will and well-being. How can two things be one, and yet be in so much conflict?
And yet, that is exactly the same contradiction that arises when considering the supposed unity of the human mind. While studying psychology, one will learn that the human mind regularly falls prey to subconscious ideas and impulses that are counterproductive, contradictory, or just nonsensical: Irrational beliefs, phobias, and neuroses, attractions to familiar yet painful relationships and situations. A typical person may struggle with these for their entire life.
However, getting in touch with various parts of the subconscious mind can be a very healing experience. It is a powerful experience to have for oneself, to observe that this process of truly acknowledging and accepting these parts of ourselves (even though at first they seem to make little sense and to have come out of nowhere) results in so much growth, enlightenment, even joy. Nothing convinces like empirical observation and first-hand experience.
The other day I read something interesting, unfortunately I forget the source. I read about a therapist who healed his patients by apologizing to them. He did not apologize for anything he did, no, he apologized for things someone else did, and it worked, it healed the patients. Something about this situation struck a chord in me. Often the world seems so lonely, it seems as if we are all on our own to get over our problems, but this situation shows that people can help each other and grow if we go out on that limb and accept "other" people's sins. It's all rather Christ-like, to atone for the sins of another.
This also illustrates the practical application of faith. Faith is often derided as being just blind, irrational belief, but faith is about believing something we learned on a higher level of reality even though it seems to contradict what one observes on a "lower" level. But perhaps this does not count as faith since the rewards of acting on this idea of the interconnectedness of all things can be so forthcoming.
Anyway, so to albeit a limited degree, I have learned that to evolve one must accept that other people, that the whole world is a part of us, we are a part of them. It can be a painful, difficult, and tedious process. It defies our intuition to accept the actions of strangers we have never met that live on the other side of the earth, but doing so has an effect.
Lately I have been reading about and listening to interviews of men like Rupert Sheldrake, David Wilcock, Dean Radin. Their ideas about "morphic fields", "the source field", research into psi, also illustrate how everyone is connected and affects one another. But what really convinces me is the analogy of psychological issues with interpersonal issues. If I can accept that parts of my mind believe things I consciously disagree with, that ones mind can apparently contradict itself and even attack the body, parts of it appear so very separate, yet still be one person, then logically I must accept the possibility that other people are one with myself too, despite all outward appearances. The other possibility is that the contradictions in ones mind reflects a true separation, e.g., being possessed by demons... but that is a discussion for another day.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Book Of Aquarius
I just came across this today. Typically I wouldn't just post a link to this blog, but this seems worth advertising. Very interesting material on alchemy:
http://bookofaquarius.forgottenbooks.org/
http://bookofaquarius.forgottenbooks.org/
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The Difficult Marriage of Science and Spirituality
When modern "educated" people think of spirituality, they think of religion and all of its negative connotations, of crusades, dogmatism, the politics and scandals of the Catholic Church. Science, when observed as it actually is, not as its ideals, is spoiled by just as much dogmatism, politics and scandals. But here in this essay I will refer to science and spirituality in their ideal forms as simply different perspectives in observing the world and searching for truth.
One does not have have to travel far off the beaten path to come across information supposedly proposing ways to find harmony between the ideas of science and the ideas of spirituality. However, I am often very disappointed and frustrated at how counter-productively these ideas of harmony and union are expressed.
Once I came across an article on the internet about "the hidden brain". Obviously it was discussing the subconscious, and fortunately someone in the comments section pointed that out. He also pointed out that the term "the subconscious" has taken up some negative connotations and that is why they use "the hidden brain" instead. Terrible articles like that is why I am so skeptical when there are discussions about how humanity is advancing and evolving. Instead of developing ideas as far as they'll go, instead the same ideas get thrown out over and over again, repackaged and relabeled. Then when it is rediscovered, many people who notice this repackaging decide that that is reason enough to dismiss the idea.
One of my pet peeves is how near-death-experiences are described. They always make it sound like a once-in-a-lifetime experience that only happens to people who are sick or get into an accident. They are conflated with out-of-body experiences. The reality you do not have to be near-death to have these experiences. Many people, naturally or with training, can have out-of-body experiences at will whenever they want. But in the vast majority of articles on the subject, no mention is made of this whatsoever. The casual reader is left thinking, "that sounds cool to experience, but meh it will never happen to me".
I love the books by Robert Bruce, but they disappoint me too. His books about out-of-body-experience and energy work are the best, except he almost never mentions or refers to the traditions that have already discovered and described this kind of work. If you look in depth in the forums for his website or something, he will mention that he has studied and practiced a great deal along the lines of Franz Bardon's works, but he never mentions that in his books. In a way I understand, he wants to sell books, and reach an audience that believes that the occult is scary and evil and too hard. But still... I am disappoint. Divorcing practices from its history and symbols practically neuters it. No one technically needs to know about classic occult ideas and symbols, imagery, words of power, to experience astral projection, but using them can make the process far more efficient.
Then it boggles my mind how conspiracy theorists typically are so quick to completely dismiss anything related to magic(k) and the occult as devil-worship and mind-control. ("Conspiracy Theorists" has a negative connotation, okay, but some write sober well-researched and interesting books, I am talking about them.) They speak of the wool being pulled over humanity's eyes, but then turn their backs on the very tools that would give them the knowledge and power to overcome the pathocracy.
Recently I came across some videos called "Debunking David Icke". Ironically, it convinced me more than ever that David Icke is a worthwhile source of information. It went into detail about how he has downplayed his alleged communication with incorporeal entities, and how his ideas are similar to theosophical ones. Often I do not like the way he words things, but I can tell that he really gets it; He gets that physical reality is an illusion, and humanity is part of something much bigger. However, my main point is that David Icke yet another decent source of information that downplays his connection to taboo "occult" sources.
Another obstacle is just plain old lack of critical thinking and intelligence. If you look for evidence of alien abductions and UFOs, most of the time you come up with utterly worthless anecdotes about sleep paralysis or a picture of the sky with a smudge on it. The casual researcher will come to the conclusion that UFOs started appearing in the 1950's and evidence is slim. But that is ignorant nonsense. Meanwhile there is plenty of real evidence that does not get mentioned at all. There is a book I read called Operation Trojan Horse by John Keel. He gives information about incidents that conveniently get left out of newspaper articles about UFO sightings. There are countless incidents from all over history about flying saucers and meetings with strange humanoid beings. Evidence suggests that alien abductions and UFOs are just a modern manifestation/interpretation of age old demonological phenomena. If someone meets a strange creature they might call in an angel, ghost, demon, alien, fairy, elf, it depends on their mindset and preconceptions. The problem I mean to highlight here is that I have observed that even people who have read about good evidence do not favor that convincing evidence over "one time I got drunk and lost time" stories.
The other day I came across a video called "The Primacy of Consciousness". It was a presentation by one Peter Russell. It was interesting food for thought, but some of his main points were not logically sound. I found it particularly annoying how the audience kept laughing at or applauding things he said. It left me with the distinct impression they just liked his ideas because they support their feel-good new-agey beliefs, not because the reasoning is actually sound.
So I find this frustrating, science and spirituality could have gotten "married" a long time ago. So many people are just so unintelligent and close-minded, and then those in the know end up pandering to the unintelligent and close-minded. I get to wondering how humanity can ever evolve if we cannot put these two approaches to reality in harmony. But then, the voice I hear from within tells me that it's not that evolution is put on hold until this harmony is found, it is that this very process of finding that harmony is evolution in itself. The same phenomena on a different level is the lone yogi striving to join his prana and apana. Joining of male and female, solar and lunar, science and magic, all this is the same evolution reflected on different levels of reality. I think the image of an eclipse symbolizes this pretty well. This is what evolution is about. It's not about the end result, its about the journey. We should enjoy the journey, but personally... frankly, I do not.
My inspiration for this essay was a memorable experience. I just woke up in the morning feeling so energetic, and inspired, and I was flooded with ideas with theme of the marriage of opposites. After reading and writing for a while I decided to lie in bed, intending to rest, but instead the experience culminated in an emotional roller coaster ride. I got this intense but cozy feeling of finally "coming home". I thought about it and remembered that the idea of the marriage of opposites is associated with Mercury. I looked up the date and time and I was interested to see that the time I was in bed was almost precisely the hour of Mercury. Also note this was a Wednesday. It makes perfect sense that I would have such an intense epiphany on the subject during the day and hour of Mercury. I find it interesting how sometimes I can naturally feel what the current planetary hour is. In magic and alchemy there is often advice given to perform a ritual during the relevant planetary hour, but I have experienced that often things just happen that way seemingly by coincidence.
One does not have have to travel far off the beaten path to come across information supposedly proposing ways to find harmony between the ideas of science and the ideas of spirituality. However, I am often very disappointed and frustrated at how counter-productively these ideas of harmony and union are expressed.
Once I came across an article on the internet about "the hidden brain". Obviously it was discussing the subconscious, and fortunately someone in the comments section pointed that out. He also pointed out that the term "the subconscious" has taken up some negative connotations and that is why they use "the hidden brain" instead. Terrible articles like that is why I am so skeptical when there are discussions about how humanity is advancing and evolving. Instead of developing ideas as far as they'll go, instead the same ideas get thrown out over and over again, repackaged and relabeled. Then when it is rediscovered, many people who notice this repackaging decide that that is reason enough to dismiss the idea.
One of my pet peeves is how near-death-experiences are described. They always make it sound like a once-in-a-lifetime experience that only happens to people who are sick or get into an accident. They are conflated with out-of-body experiences. The reality you do not have to be near-death to have these experiences. Many people, naturally or with training, can have out-of-body experiences at will whenever they want. But in the vast majority of articles on the subject, no mention is made of this whatsoever. The casual reader is left thinking, "that sounds cool to experience, but meh it will never happen to me".
I love the books by Robert Bruce, but they disappoint me too. His books about out-of-body-experience and energy work are the best, except he almost never mentions or refers to the traditions that have already discovered and described this kind of work. If you look in depth in the forums for his website or something, he will mention that he has studied and practiced a great deal along the lines of Franz Bardon's works, but he never mentions that in his books. In a way I understand, he wants to sell books, and reach an audience that believes that the occult is scary and evil and too hard. But still... I am disappoint. Divorcing practices from its history and symbols practically neuters it. No one technically needs to know about classic occult ideas and symbols, imagery, words of power, to experience astral projection, but using them can make the process far more efficient.
Then it boggles my mind how conspiracy theorists typically are so quick to completely dismiss anything related to magic(k) and the occult as devil-worship and mind-control. ("Conspiracy Theorists" has a negative connotation, okay, but some write sober well-researched and interesting books, I am talking about them.) They speak of the wool being pulled over humanity's eyes, but then turn their backs on the very tools that would give them the knowledge and power to overcome the pathocracy.
Recently I came across some videos called "Debunking David Icke". Ironically, it convinced me more than ever that David Icke is a worthwhile source of information. It went into detail about how he has downplayed his alleged communication with incorporeal entities, and how his ideas are similar to theosophical ones. Often I do not like the way he words things, but I can tell that he really gets it; He gets that physical reality is an illusion, and humanity is part of something much bigger. However, my main point is that David Icke yet another decent source of information that downplays his connection to taboo "occult" sources.
Another obstacle is just plain old lack of critical thinking and intelligence. If you look for evidence of alien abductions and UFOs, most of the time you come up with utterly worthless anecdotes about sleep paralysis or a picture of the sky with a smudge on it. The casual researcher will come to the conclusion that UFOs started appearing in the 1950's and evidence is slim. But that is ignorant nonsense. Meanwhile there is plenty of real evidence that does not get mentioned at all. There is a book I read called Operation Trojan Horse by John Keel. He gives information about incidents that conveniently get left out of newspaper articles about UFO sightings. There are countless incidents from all over history about flying saucers and meetings with strange humanoid beings. Evidence suggests that alien abductions and UFOs are just a modern manifestation/interpretation of age old demonological phenomena. If someone meets a strange creature they might call in an angel, ghost, demon, alien, fairy, elf, it depends on their mindset and preconceptions. The problem I mean to highlight here is that I have observed that even people who have read about good evidence do not favor that convincing evidence over "one time I got drunk and lost time" stories.
The other day I came across a video called "The Primacy of Consciousness". It was a presentation by one Peter Russell. It was interesting food for thought, but some of his main points were not logically sound. I found it particularly annoying how the audience kept laughing at or applauding things he said. It left me with the distinct impression they just liked his ideas because they support their feel-good new-agey beliefs, not because the reasoning is actually sound.
So I find this frustrating, science and spirituality could have gotten "married" a long time ago. So many people are just so unintelligent and close-minded, and then those in the know end up pandering to the unintelligent and close-minded. I get to wondering how humanity can ever evolve if we cannot put these two approaches to reality in harmony. But then, the voice I hear from within tells me that it's not that evolution is put on hold until this harmony is found, it is that this very process of finding that harmony is evolution in itself. The same phenomena on a different level is the lone yogi striving to join his prana and apana. Joining of male and female, solar and lunar, science and magic, all this is the same evolution reflected on different levels of reality. I think the image of an eclipse symbolizes this pretty well. This is what evolution is about. It's not about the end result, its about the journey. We should enjoy the journey, but personally... frankly, I do not.
* * * * *
My inspiration for this essay was a memorable experience. I just woke up in the morning feeling so energetic, and inspired, and I was flooded with ideas with theme of the marriage of opposites. After reading and writing for a while I decided to lie in bed, intending to rest, but instead the experience culminated in an emotional roller coaster ride. I got this intense but cozy feeling of finally "coming home". I thought about it and remembered that the idea of the marriage of opposites is associated with Mercury. I looked up the date and time and I was interested to see that the time I was in bed was almost precisely the hour of Mercury. Also note this was a Wednesday. It makes perfect sense that I would have such an intense epiphany on the subject during the day and hour of Mercury. I find it interesting how sometimes I can naturally feel what the current planetary hour is. In magic and alchemy there is often advice given to perform a ritual during the relevant planetary hour, but I have experienced that often things just happen that way seemingly by coincidence.
Magic For Personal Gain
Spiritual traditions teach humanity about the basic rules of how reality works. But then egotistical humans twist it around, and make the rules all about morality, shame, and worthiness. For instance, the basic law of karma, that what goes around comes around, it is not about individuals "deserving" good or bad things. Karma is just about action and reaction. If I punch something with my fist, I am likely to hurt my hand; My hand does not hurt as punishment, it hurts because of basic physical laws. That is easier to understand because these physical laws are straightforward to observe compared to metaphysical phenomena.
This is also the situation when it comes to ideas about using magic for personal gain. There are plenty of people out there who would try to shame you for daring to ask universe for more money, love, power. But performing magic for any real significant external effect is just like starting a business. You can start a business for personal gain, for sure, but the business will surely fail or be a great deal of trouble if your business is not for others' benefit as well. Running a successful business is all about fulfilling the needs of the customers. Also, in most businesses one must get some investors and employees on board to make things happen.
That is how magic is, magic is unlikely to work unless it is to fulfill some needs, but in this case the customer is the universe. Getting things done is a matter of aligning ourselves with the forces on each level of reality. This idea was highlighted to a while ago, I had finally worked up the motivation to do a practical spell. When I got to down to doing it, it was like something else had taken over my body, I was running on autopilot, compelled by some source of supplemental energy, improvising effectively in ways I had not planned for.
There are many ways to approach practical magic, books are easy to find these days describing different ways. But note that candles and incense are always very useful in practical magic. Sold in any drug store, they generate a significant amount of etheric energy which attracts and sustains the incorporeal entities that would help you.
This is also the situation when it comes to ideas about using magic for personal gain. There are plenty of people out there who would try to shame you for daring to ask universe for more money, love, power. But performing magic for any real significant external effect is just like starting a business. You can start a business for personal gain, for sure, but the business will surely fail or be a great deal of trouble if your business is not for others' benefit as well. Running a successful business is all about fulfilling the needs of the customers. Also, in most businesses one must get some investors and employees on board to make things happen.
That is how magic is, magic is unlikely to work unless it is to fulfill some needs, but in this case the customer is the universe. Getting things done is a matter of aligning ourselves with the forces on each level of reality. This idea was highlighted to a while ago, I had finally worked up the motivation to do a practical spell. When I got to down to doing it, it was like something else had taken over my body, I was running on autopilot, compelled by some source of supplemental energy, improvising effectively in ways I had not planned for.
There are many ways to approach practical magic, books are easy to find these days describing different ways. But note that candles and incense are always very useful in practical magic. Sold in any drug store, they generate a significant amount of etheric energy which attracts and sustains the incorporeal entities that would help you.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
New Moon
Last month I did another moon-magic spell to find a job that pays more money than my old job. I have not found a new job yet, but I feel more motivated to look. Before I felt like to be a happy and fully realized person I probably had do something unconventional like live in an RV and become a professional gambler, or go join a monastery. The thought of going to a job interview for another office-job, going in and pretending I don't hate convention and being alive and all of humanity and the universe itself seemed impossible. Now I think I just need to work smarter. I need to cut down on the distractions in my life. So many times on the weekend I would be bored and desire a new project to work hard on, and it never even occurred to me to do something that is actually relevant to my career. Then during the week at work I would feel so insecure and out-of-the-loop. I do appreciate what a well-rounded person I am, having spent so much time reading about a variety of topics, but now perhaps it's time to focus on more narrow interests.
But I do not even understand what keeps me motivated. I think people who are hard-core believers in "accomplishing things" and having a "career" etc. are suckers. But then again, what else would I spend my time doing? While I am living in the world, I might as well live in it; go with the flow. I know that in my next job there will be stress, miscommunication and impossible situations and at least a couple of coworkers who annoy the ever-loving fuck out me. Yet I think I just need to learn how to take it on more gracefully.
My point is, sitting at home with lots of free time is not making me happy either. Working in an office can feel empty and meaningless, but scavenging for food and navigating unconventional lifestyles is work too and then on top of that one gives up many conveniences and money-making opportunities.
As an aside, I find it strange that many of the blogging male unconventional go-getters, (I even found a blog by a guy who was actually a professional gambler and lives in a van) are into the whole Pick-Up-Artist (PUA) scene. I naively assumed looking for unconventional ways of living was supposed to be about being enlightened, finding that deep inner contentment, peace, destiny, meaning. But then there are these male bloggers, they write about the whole PUA scene and philosophy and it's the most shallow, materialistic dreck imaginable. (Then for women of course there are those ridiculously fake fashion/lifestyle blogs.)
Anyway, the point of this post is to report on that spell. I followed the instructions in the book Sacred Magic of the Angels by David Goddard again. So far it has proven effective in changing my attitude towards work. I evoked the angel Sachiel. The very next day I found my mindset was different.
I have also slowly been reading The Sea Priestess by Dion Fortune. I find it pretty boring, to be honest. The author's prissy British sensibilities really bog the story down, and it does not seem to be teaching me much. One interesting coincidence is that the main character starts coming down with asthma. Some months ago I started getting a similar problem, after having no asthma symptoms ever in my life. For me its not so bad though, I just cough and wheeze a bit, especially directly after eating too much sugary junk food.
But I do not even understand what keeps me motivated. I think people who are hard-core believers in "accomplishing things" and having a "career" etc. are suckers. But then again, what else would I spend my time doing? While I am living in the world, I might as well live in it; go with the flow. I know that in my next job there will be stress, miscommunication and impossible situations and at least a couple of coworkers who annoy the ever-loving fuck out me. Yet I think I just need to learn how to take it on more gracefully.
My point is, sitting at home with lots of free time is not making me happy either. Working in an office can feel empty and meaningless, but scavenging for food and navigating unconventional lifestyles is work too and then on top of that one gives up many conveniences and money-making opportunities.
As an aside, I find it strange that many of the blogging male unconventional go-getters, (I even found a blog by a guy who was actually a professional gambler and lives in a van) are into the whole Pick-Up-Artist (PUA) scene. I naively assumed looking for unconventional ways of living was supposed to be about being enlightened, finding that deep inner contentment, peace, destiny, meaning. But then there are these male bloggers, they write about the whole PUA scene and philosophy and it's the most shallow, materialistic dreck imaginable. (Then for women of course there are those ridiculously fake fashion/lifestyle blogs.)
Anyway, the point of this post is to report on that spell. I followed the instructions in the book Sacred Magic of the Angels by David Goddard again. So far it has proven effective in changing my attitude towards work. I evoked the angel Sachiel. The very next day I found my mindset was different.
I have also slowly been reading The Sea Priestess by Dion Fortune. I find it pretty boring, to be honest. The author's prissy British sensibilities really bog the story down, and it does not seem to be teaching me much. One interesting coincidence is that the main character starts coming down with asthma. Some months ago I started getting a similar problem, after having no asthma symptoms ever in my life. For me its not so bad though, I just cough and wheeze a bit, especially directly after eating too much sugary junk food.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Imposter Syndrome
I got laid off from work. This has really made me think about how little confidence I have. The thought of going to job interviews and having people scrutinizing me and judging me is paralyzing at times.
Suddenly the way pretentious and egotistical people act makes perfect sense, I have that much more sympathy for them. Life is so stressful and full of people and experiences that wear us down. What better way to survive than to constantly tell oneself and others how great we are and putting other people down, especially those who just want to tear us down? It's one of those things that might sound obvious, but now I really really get it.
I have a case of imposter syndrome. It helps to look at my resume that I updated a few years ago even though I feel like it's someone else's resume. I look at it and think "Did I do that?" in that Family Matters' Urkel-voice.
I feel like there is nowhere I can get good advice or a realistic perspective. People love to give advice and spout talking points about job markets they have absolutely no experience in. Job postings are notoriously misleading.
But I know that I just have to update my resume and put it out there. Collect severance and unemployment, prepare for interviews, and wait.
I will look for a similar software engineering job, but I have a new idea: playing online poker. I was reading an advice forum and it was suggested to an intelligent but socially anxious individual. When the idea hit me that I could try that, I heard a tone in my right ear. I certainly have the brains for it, and I get the distinct impression from what I've read it just takes a bit of studying and practice to make a profit. What a perfect job for someone like me. The strategy behind card games comes easily to me, my problem though is that often I have trouble paying attention. But then another problem is do I have the discipline to stick to such a crazy scheme? Do I like poker enough to study and play it every day? I guess I'll have to see, for now I am still learning basic rules like a flush is better than a straight which is better than 3-of-a-kind.
In other news, I finished reading The Goat Foot God. It was engaging enough while I read it, but now that I am done I feel unsatisfied. The main theme of the book, unintentionally, seems to be "Life is good when you have money."
Reading the book now seems timely. The main character experiences a big change in his life, and here I am freshly laid off from my job I had felt secure in for many years. I naturally relate to the main female character though: an independant humble but intelligent woman. In the book the main male character sometimes spontaneously experiences his past life as a monk. My boyfriend seems to have a similar problem. Just the other I heard him yelling "go away! you're not welcome here!" in the shower. I asked him if he was okay, and he said for a moment he felt like he was somewhere else. (He is diagnosed with one or more psychiatric issues and mysterious debilitating health problems. He is able to keep a job and we enjoy spending time together, so I do not really worry about it. Sometimes I pray for a way to help him, but I intuit that he's just living his fated path, and perhaps deep down he does not want to/is not ready to get better.)
Anyway, I feel so cut off from my magical work lately. I should at least meditate every day, and practice pathworking, start reading The Sea Priestess.
However, not long ago I did do a banishing. I followed the instructions from the book, Sacred Magic of the Angels by David Goddard, to banish some of my health troubles: a variety of autoimmune troubles and chronic pain that seem increasingly common in modern society. I evoked the Angel Uriel. Looking back at my notes, just 9 days after doing that I lost my job. I think these two events are probably related. I do feel better, healthwise, besides feeling anxious and demoralized about losing my job. But before that I did an invoking ritual, I wanted knowledge about my connection to a certain person at work that I felt a strong connection to. Now it is likely I will never see that person again. Perhaps that is another influence.
Oh wow, looking back just now at what is written about Uriel, I really should not be surprised I lost my job: "Uriel rules separation and divorce, and breaks the bonds peacefully but effectively... Uriel's ways of bringing about results when he has been invoked are sudden and often devastating, so be prepared for upheavals in your life when you call on him." I read that before but was skeptical and did not pay much attention to it. I was prepared to have nothing noticable happen.
I am looking again at the book now. In the book I see it notes he is the "patron of astrology". That is significant because of this: I remember when I came home right after being laid off, one of the first things I did was go to my altar in my bedroom to meditate and pray for guidance and strength. I wondered if I should search for a new career, I am proud to work as an engineer, but working in a office seems unreasonably stressful for a sensitive person as myself. The angels above surely do not want to keep torturing me for no reason. Soon a silent voice told me I should consider being an astrologist. It said I would be good at it.
I was suddenly strongly motivated to go research professional astrology on the internet, so I got up and went to my computer. I came across a good quote by J.P. Morgan: "Millionaires do not consult astrologers, billionaires do". However, quickly I came away concluding that my trying to be an astrologer would be a terrible and completely unrealistic idea. That's an underground job market where connections and people skills are everything when it comes to making money off of it. I decided to just note that that was what happened, that was what message I received even if I should not take it at face value, and keep an open mind. Being an astrologer for rich and powerful people does sound pretty swank. But now I think emphasizing astrology was just Uriel's way of making me realize he was connected to this incident.
I should have realized this sooner. I really need to look back at my journal more regularly.
I have imposter syndrome about being a witch too. I am not some serious triple-blackbelt O.T.O. member with encyclopediac knowledge of Geomatria nor a 6th-degree Wiccan Priestess, but over the years I have gained so much wisdom and understanding that is hard to put into words and seems rare even among the certified initiates and priests. But deep down part of me feels like it does not count. Once again I did a magical working that worked, but it is just not sinking in right now yet. But now I am at a point where I really feel like magic is something natural, not miraculous or even a big deal, since at the end of the day it still involves plenty of thinking and planning and work. But I am proud of that having accomplished this mindset. I'll write something more on this subject later.
Suddenly the way pretentious and egotistical people act makes perfect sense, I have that much more sympathy for them. Life is so stressful and full of people and experiences that wear us down. What better way to survive than to constantly tell oneself and others how great we are and putting other people down, especially those who just want to tear us down? It's one of those things that might sound obvious, but now I really really get it.
I have a case of imposter syndrome. It helps to look at my resume that I updated a few years ago even though I feel like it's someone else's resume. I look at it and think "Did I do that?" in that Family Matters' Urkel-voice.
I feel like there is nowhere I can get good advice or a realistic perspective. People love to give advice and spout talking points about job markets they have absolutely no experience in. Job postings are notoriously misleading.
But I know that I just have to update my resume and put it out there. Collect severance and unemployment, prepare for interviews, and wait.
I will look for a similar software engineering job, but I have a new idea: playing online poker. I was reading an advice forum and it was suggested to an intelligent but socially anxious individual. When the idea hit me that I could try that, I heard a tone in my right ear. I certainly have the brains for it, and I get the distinct impression from what I've read it just takes a bit of studying and practice to make a profit. What a perfect job for someone like me. The strategy behind card games comes easily to me, my problem though is that often I have trouble paying attention. But then another problem is do I have the discipline to stick to such a crazy scheme? Do I like poker enough to study and play it every day? I guess I'll have to see, for now I am still learning basic rules like a flush is better than a straight which is better than 3-of-a-kind.
In other news, I finished reading The Goat Foot God. It was engaging enough while I read it, but now that I am done I feel unsatisfied. The main theme of the book, unintentionally, seems to be "Life is good when you have money."
Reading the book now seems timely. The main character experiences a big change in his life, and here I am freshly laid off from my job I had felt secure in for many years. I naturally relate to the main female character though: an independant humble but intelligent woman. In the book the main male character sometimes spontaneously experiences his past life as a monk. My boyfriend seems to have a similar problem. Just the other I heard him yelling "go away! you're not welcome here!" in the shower. I asked him if he was okay, and he said for a moment he felt like he was somewhere else. (He is diagnosed with one or more psychiatric issues and mysterious debilitating health problems. He is able to keep a job and we enjoy spending time together, so I do not really worry about it. Sometimes I pray for a way to help him, but I intuit that he's just living his fated path, and perhaps deep down he does not want to/is not ready to get better.)
Anyway, I feel so cut off from my magical work lately. I should at least meditate every day, and practice pathworking, start reading The Sea Priestess.
However, not long ago I did do a banishing. I followed the instructions from the book, Sacred Magic of the Angels by David Goddard, to banish some of my health troubles: a variety of autoimmune troubles and chronic pain that seem increasingly common in modern society. I evoked the Angel Uriel. Looking back at my notes, just 9 days after doing that I lost my job. I think these two events are probably related. I do feel better, healthwise, besides feeling anxious and demoralized about losing my job. But before that I did an invoking ritual, I wanted knowledge about my connection to a certain person at work that I felt a strong connection to. Now it is likely I will never see that person again. Perhaps that is another influence.
Oh wow, looking back just now at what is written about Uriel, I really should not be surprised I lost my job: "Uriel rules separation and divorce, and breaks the bonds peacefully but effectively... Uriel's ways of bringing about results when he has been invoked are sudden and often devastating, so be prepared for upheavals in your life when you call on him." I read that before but was skeptical and did not pay much attention to it. I was prepared to have nothing noticable happen.
I am looking again at the book now. In the book I see it notes he is the "patron of astrology". That is significant because of this: I remember when I came home right after being laid off, one of the first things I did was go to my altar in my bedroom to meditate and pray for guidance and strength. I wondered if I should search for a new career, I am proud to work as an engineer, but working in a office seems unreasonably stressful for a sensitive person as myself. The angels above surely do not want to keep torturing me for no reason. Soon a silent voice told me I should consider being an astrologist. It said I would be good at it.
I was suddenly strongly motivated to go research professional astrology on the internet, so I got up and went to my computer. I came across a good quote by J.P. Morgan: "Millionaires do not consult astrologers, billionaires do". However, quickly I came away concluding that my trying to be an astrologer would be a terrible and completely unrealistic idea. That's an underground job market where connections and people skills are everything when it comes to making money off of it. I decided to just note that that was what happened, that was what message I received even if I should not take it at face value, and keep an open mind. Being an astrologer for rich and powerful people does sound pretty swank. But now I think emphasizing astrology was just Uriel's way of making me realize he was connected to this incident.
I should have realized this sooner. I really need to look back at my journal more regularly.
I have imposter syndrome about being a witch too. I am not some serious triple-blackbelt O.T.O. member with encyclopediac knowledge of Geomatria nor a 6th-degree Wiccan Priestess, but over the years I have gained so much wisdom and understanding that is hard to put into words and seems rare even among the certified initiates and priests. But deep down part of me feels like it does not count. Once again I did a magical working that worked, but it is just not sinking in right now yet. But now I am at a point where I really feel like magic is something natural, not miraculous or even a big deal, since at the end of the day it still involves plenty of thinking and planning and work. But I am proud of that having accomplished this mindset. I'll write something more on this subject later.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Video games and the Esoteric
I miss the good old classic video games, like Mario Brothers and Megaman. It had music composed of pure electronic sounds that speaks to me and touches me more than regular music composed of mundane and organic sounds. I suppose there are chiptune aficionados keeping that alive somewhat. And early video games tended have the classic variety of levels: start out in an earthy foresty zone, and go to a watery place, a fiery place, etc. So few people appreciate how this represents the exploration of the ancient archetypal elemental realms of earth, air, fire, water, and spirit, and how natural and obvious it is that video games started out thus. Video games are a micro-microcosm within the earthly microcosm, exploring the evolution of consciousness, reality and the soul. The materialist observes the world as evolved from matter, music as evolving from organic-sounding drums and flutes. The mystic or occultist observes a world that evolved from ideas, and a desire for an opportunity to experience. From a metaphysical viewpoint, music must have first evolved from the idea of pure tones, like those from a synthesizer, interacting and mixing with each other.
Video games refer to the occult all over the place. I watched someone play The Witcher, which blatantly eludes to the different qabbalistic Sephiroth although it spells the names differently. It is very common to have some version of the astral planes, like in Dragon Age we have "The Fade". Dragon Age's description of the different demons is basically what they are like in real life. "The tranquil" are basically people with Aspergers's syndrome. (I have a theory that autistic people, although they are usually characterized as being disconnected from emotions, spirituality and other right-brain things, are/were extremely sensitive to such things, but could not handle it so they just "shut down" at a very young age).
I find it interesting how similar basic Qabbalistic pathworking is to classic video game mechanics. In both, we go to different temples or other type of stronghold with a variety of themes where characters give us items that enhance our abilities. Final Fantasy X is a game near and dear to my heart. The way Yuna goes on her pilgrimage from temple to temple, learning to evoke the different Aeons, it is so similar to what real-life magicians do.
Video game makers have become self-aware though, the games Braid and Persona 4 seem like good examples of this. It may not seem obvious though because the game designers were smart enough not to emphasize it too too much. They want people to buy their game, not have debates about religion or the occult.
Persona 4 is about a kid in high school, making relationships with people and stepping into a tv screen to an alternate reality to fight monsters and solve murders. This alternate world is obviously meant to be an analogue to the Inner Planes or the astral, (not quite sure about the terminology). The game uses plain old Tarot cards and casually mentions the Qabbalah, so it is obvious the game makers were very self-aware about the nature of video games.
The other day I played through Braid again, and did a google search for what Jonathan Blow, the designer of the game says the interpretation of the story is. I found he is pretty mum about it. It's annoying but probably smart how he keeps his mouth shut about giving his interpretation of his game.
I guess I should discuss what the game is like for those who have never played it: Basically we just have some douchey-looking white dude in a suit solving puzzles in a platformer game. In between levels there is a vague disjointed plot you read from little books, one minute it's about saving a princess, and the next it's about wandering around a modern city, then he's talking about dissecting animals. I can see how it relates to the puzzles in an abstract sort of way, but it just confuses most people. Mr. Blow should have just stuck to one simple plot. Despite my negative and critical tone here, I do say it is a wonderful, original and must-play game though.
I thought it was quite unfortunate he chose to mention the creation of the atomic bomb in the end. So now when many people come to that they think the whole plot was about the atomic bomb all along. Atomic bombs are a bit dramatic, to put it mildly, to materialistic minds they engulf and overshadow the esoteric and philosopic themes of the game:
In Braid I found the princess to be a heavy-handed metaphor for Nirvana or enlightenment. If I remember correctly, the game speaks of the hero of the game starting out with the princess, but he had to leave because staying there with her deprived him of certain experiences; The same way mystics speak of the soul venturing away from god or Nirvana in order to learn and grow and experience.
The ending level illustrates a very important lesson on the illusory nature of reality of perception, and how things and observations can be real but not necessarily be what they appear to be, how people's intentions can be misguided or not what they appear to be. To those who have never played, basically what happens is you go through this level where you think you are saving the princess, and then you see the events happen with time reversed what actually happened is that the princess was running away from you. I think this is a metaphor about how people look for meaning or satisfaction in life by overanalyzing things and trying to reach so many goals, they think there will be dire consequences if they stop, but meanwhile living like that is in actuality chasing away what their soul desires. Life isn't to be overanalzyed, it's to be felt and experienced. Like Bill Hicks said about life: "It's just a ride".
And then at the very very end, the hero has a castle made up of blocks representing each of the levels in the game. This represents how the purpose of life is the journey and the experience, not the end result. It reminds of the Cosmic Doctrine, which discusses how the physical world is built upon previous stages of evolution which have been completed, "solidified" perhaps.
Planescape : Torment deserves a mention. I just started that game, I kept reading about what a wonderful classic it is. I think the world is a bit too open-ended. You are an immortal being who has lost your memory, and you travel around to different places through portals using "keys" that can be anything, even a memory, or a scent. So... basically you are in the astral and you travel just like you would in the astral. Yet for all its supposed original-ness and open-endedness, you are still in a dark, violent, depressing world where everyone is greedy and racist and unfriendly. I still want to play through the game eventually though.
I must also mention elementals. I won't do the subject justice here... I'll just mention that the video game character Kirby is basically just an elemental, and then there are the "mimigamas" in the game Cave Story.
Video games refer to the occult all over the place. I watched someone play The Witcher, which blatantly eludes to the different qabbalistic Sephiroth although it spells the names differently. It is very common to have some version of the astral planes, like in Dragon Age we have "The Fade". Dragon Age's description of the different demons is basically what they are like in real life. "The tranquil" are basically people with Aspergers's syndrome. (I have a theory that autistic people, although they are usually characterized as being disconnected from emotions, spirituality and other right-brain things, are/were extremely sensitive to such things, but could not handle it so they just "shut down" at a very young age).
I find it interesting how similar basic Qabbalistic pathworking is to classic video game mechanics. In both, we go to different temples or other type of stronghold with a variety of themes where characters give us items that enhance our abilities. Final Fantasy X is a game near and dear to my heart. The way Yuna goes on her pilgrimage from temple to temple, learning to evoke the different Aeons, it is so similar to what real-life magicians do.
Video game makers have become self-aware though, the games Braid and Persona 4 seem like good examples of this. It may not seem obvious though because the game designers were smart enough not to emphasize it too too much. They want people to buy their game, not have debates about religion or the occult.
Persona 4 is about a kid in high school, making relationships with people and stepping into a tv screen to an alternate reality to fight monsters and solve murders. This alternate world is obviously meant to be an analogue to the Inner Planes or the astral, (not quite sure about the terminology). The game uses plain old Tarot cards and casually mentions the Qabbalah, so it is obvious the game makers were very self-aware about the nature of video games.
The other day I played through Braid again, and did a google search for what Jonathan Blow, the designer of the game says the interpretation of the story is. I found he is pretty mum about it. It's annoying but probably smart how he keeps his mouth shut about giving his interpretation of his game.
I guess I should discuss what the game is like for those who have never played it: Basically we just have some douchey-looking white dude in a suit solving puzzles in a platformer game. In between levels there is a vague disjointed plot you read from little books, one minute it's about saving a princess, and the next it's about wandering around a modern city, then he's talking about dissecting animals. I can see how it relates to the puzzles in an abstract sort of way, but it just confuses most people. Mr. Blow should have just stuck to one simple plot. Despite my negative and critical tone here, I do say it is a wonderful, original and must-play game though.
I thought it was quite unfortunate he chose to mention the creation of the atomic bomb in the end. So now when many people come to that they think the whole plot was about the atomic bomb all along. Atomic bombs are a bit dramatic, to put it mildly, to materialistic minds they engulf and overshadow the esoteric and philosopic themes of the game:
In Braid I found the princess to be a heavy-handed metaphor for Nirvana or enlightenment. If I remember correctly, the game speaks of the hero of the game starting out with the princess, but he had to leave because staying there with her deprived him of certain experiences; The same way mystics speak of the soul venturing away from god or Nirvana in order to learn and grow and experience.
The ending level illustrates a very important lesson on the illusory nature of reality of perception, and how things and observations can be real but not necessarily be what they appear to be, how people's intentions can be misguided or not what they appear to be. To those who have never played, basically what happens is you go through this level where you think you are saving the princess, and then you see the events happen with time reversed what actually happened is that the princess was running away from you. I think this is a metaphor about how people look for meaning or satisfaction in life by overanalyzing things and trying to reach so many goals, they think there will be dire consequences if they stop, but meanwhile living like that is in actuality chasing away what their soul desires. Life isn't to be overanalzyed, it's to be felt and experienced. Like Bill Hicks said about life: "It's just a ride".
And then at the very very end, the hero has a castle made up of blocks representing each of the levels in the game. This represents how the purpose of life is the journey and the experience, not the end result. It reminds of the Cosmic Doctrine, which discusses how the physical world is built upon previous stages of evolution which have been completed, "solidified" perhaps.
Planescape : Torment deserves a mention. I just started that game, I kept reading about what a wonderful classic it is. I think the world is a bit too open-ended. You are an immortal being who has lost your memory, and you travel around to different places through portals using "keys" that can be anything, even a memory, or a scent. So... basically you are in the astral and you travel just like you would in the astral. Yet for all its supposed original-ness and open-endedness, you are still in a dark, violent, depressing world where everyone is greedy and racist and unfriendly. I still want to play through the game eventually though.
I must also mention elementals. I won't do the subject justice here... I'll just mention that the video game character Kirby is basically just an elemental, and then there are the "mimigamas" in the game Cave Story.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
"You're Not Worthy"
In the beginning of the magical path, the humble internet seeker is often confronted with hostility and unhelpful people.
For instance, a beginner asking for how to manifest some money is often confronted with the questions like "Why do you want money?" or "Why don't you just get a job?" To a beginner who lacks confidence, that just sounds like "Go away, you are not worthy, muggle!" Those are indeed worthwhile questions, but it is not helpful to just leave it at that.
Instead, it should be explained that in the beginning a magician should focus on changing things inside: bad habits, undesirable emotional reactions and moods, unbalanced personality traits. This is because an early lesson to be slowly learned over time is that the boundary between the inner world and the outside physical world is illusory. But because most of us by default believe in that boundary, it is easier to do inner work. After doing inner work, soon enough, the magus observes the results in the outside world, they see things that seem a bit too coincidental, even miraculous. This gives the magician a feel for how to manifest change in the physical world, and it builds confidence since if we can do something once, surely we can doing something again.
For instance, suppose John wants to lose weight, and decides to use magic to do so even though he is a beginner. He does a working to give himself more discipline to stick to a diet and exercise regimen. As part of the working he visualizes himself happily doing his diet and exercise, and also feeling healthy and thin in the future, looking at the the number on the scale with glee and his clothing feeling loose, etc. All he really wanted to change was his inner world though, his own behavior, nothing very magical or miraculous. But then, unexpectedly and coincidentally, something outside of himself comes along to facilitate his weight loss. Maybe he will come across an article about how iodine supplements can help an imbalanced thyroid and help with weight loss. Less happily, maybe he will catch a parasite or some other illness that will make him lose a lot of weight. In either case, if he pays attention, John will notice this coincidence, and will get a great boost in confidence in his magical ability.
For instance, a beginner asking for how to manifest some money is often confronted with the questions like "Why do you want money?" or "Why don't you just get a job?" To a beginner who lacks confidence, that just sounds like "Go away, you are not worthy, muggle!" Those are indeed worthwhile questions, but it is not helpful to just leave it at that.
Instead, it should be explained that in the beginning a magician should focus on changing things inside: bad habits, undesirable emotional reactions and moods, unbalanced personality traits. This is because an early lesson to be slowly learned over time is that the boundary between the inner world and the outside physical world is illusory. But because most of us by default believe in that boundary, it is easier to do inner work. After doing inner work, soon enough, the magus observes the results in the outside world, they see things that seem a bit too coincidental, even miraculous. This gives the magician a feel for how to manifest change in the physical world, and it builds confidence since if we can do something once, surely we can doing something again.
For instance, suppose John wants to lose weight, and decides to use magic to do so even though he is a beginner. He does a working to give himself more discipline to stick to a diet and exercise regimen. As part of the working he visualizes himself happily doing his diet and exercise, and also feeling healthy and thin in the future, looking at the the number on the scale with glee and his clothing feeling loose, etc. All he really wanted to change was his inner world though, his own behavior, nothing very magical or miraculous. But then, unexpectedly and coincidentally, something outside of himself comes along to facilitate his weight loss. Maybe he will come across an article about how iodine supplements can help an imbalanced thyroid and help with weight loss. Less happily, maybe he will catch a parasite or some other illness that will make him lose a lot of weight. In either case, if he pays attention, John will notice this coincidence, and will get a great boost in confidence in his magical ability.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Reframing Pain and Pleasure
Lately I have been doing the pathworkings from The Initiate's Book of Pathworkings by Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki. I have done the first three of the Egyptian pathworkings. I can't say what effect they have had on me because of confounding factors. Namely, at the same time I have been doing the Qabalah pathworkings, and also exercises from The New Hermetics. So, I have had those epiphanies I just discussed in the previous post. I think I have reached a turning point in my spiritual development; instead of just meditating and doing pathworkings and observing whatever happens, I am now choosing what I want to change about myself and my experiences.
Twice I have done the "Reframing and Pain and Pleasure" exercise from The New Hermetics book, once a week over the last two weeks, and I have been pleased in the results. I think I will do one more since three is such a nice number. The exercise is for taking some undesirable painful reaction one has to something and reframing it as something pleasurable or neutral. For example, suppose you irrationally dislike someone, and being annoyed by them causes conflict and makes your life difficult. The exercise can be used to reframe the situation so that it can be positive, discover the root purpose/cause of the existing situation, and channel that purpose to be satisfied by a more desirable experience. The exercise is basically just about taking the time to sit and think about what we do not want to experience, why we experience it, and then visualizing what we want to happen instead. Also, it is important to connect with elemental Earth while doing this.
I experience the elemental earth plane as golden rolling farmlands. Everything is a little bit golden and faded, it feels like a nostalgic memory. The temple of Malkuth is there, but for this exercise I sit just outside it on a patio. I was met by a cute green anthropomorphic bug I afterwards decided to name "Herbie". I go through the book's instructions for the exercise while sitting there with him and talking to him. After I was done the first time, I was surprised to see the exercise caused a seed to appear on the table while I was not looking. I give the seed to Herbie and he crawls back into the fields and plants it for me, and it immediately and potently springs up into a green vine, that grows huge and high up into the sun and even attaches to it. I wondered at the meaning of this unexpected event, and then a disembodied voice told me that in doing these exercises, I would not just be creating experiences for myself and getting what I want, I would also strengthen the communication between myself and my higher self, making communicating my desires easier and more effective in the future. Come to think of it, that also means I would be more aware of what my Higher Self wants me to do or know. Come to think of it again, that disembodied voice must have been my Higher Self. The second time I did the exercise, more green vines grew, wrapping around the existing ones, making the channel a little bit thicker and stronger.
Although I have been pleased with the results I have gotten so far, I have been reminded of the common warnings about being careful what we wish for. So far it has worked much better than I expected, but never quite in the way I expected it to happen. The most interesting part was that during the process of going through the exercise, I spontaneously started visualizing in my active imagination being in a particular situation. This is not a strange situation, but it is something that has never happened in the way I visualized it... until a few days later that very week. So things happened both in a way I did not expect, and also just like I visualized in some respects. That specific situation just popped into my head, I did not plan it before sitting down to do the exercise, so it makes me wonder whether I had only predicted what was already going to happen, or did I make something happen. I think the truth is that there is not much of a difference between the two.
It looks like it takes a good three days or so for the results of such an exercise to manifest itself. And it's not all fun and games, the day before I started getting the desired results, I got into a bad mood and felt anxious and frustrated. But that was good, I think it was part of the process, because it made me think about relevant related problems, it uncovered more layers of neuroses in my mind I should to work on.
There is also an exercise on "Changing your beliefs". I'll have to try that one soon.
Twice I have done the "Reframing and Pain and Pleasure" exercise from The New Hermetics book, once a week over the last two weeks, and I have been pleased in the results. I think I will do one more since three is such a nice number. The exercise is for taking some undesirable painful reaction one has to something and reframing it as something pleasurable or neutral. For example, suppose you irrationally dislike someone, and being annoyed by them causes conflict and makes your life difficult. The exercise can be used to reframe the situation so that it can be positive, discover the root purpose/cause of the existing situation, and channel that purpose to be satisfied by a more desirable experience. The exercise is basically just about taking the time to sit and think about what we do not want to experience, why we experience it, and then visualizing what we want to happen instead. Also, it is important to connect with elemental Earth while doing this.
I experience the elemental earth plane as golden rolling farmlands. Everything is a little bit golden and faded, it feels like a nostalgic memory. The temple of Malkuth is there, but for this exercise I sit just outside it on a patio. I was met by a cute green anthropomorphic bug I afterwards decided to name "Herbie". I go through the book's instructions for the exercise while sitting there with him and talking to him. After I was done the first time, I was surprised to see the exercise caused a seed to appear on the table while I was not looking. I give the seed to Herbie and he crawls back into the fields and plants it for me, and it immediately and potently springs up into a green vine, that grows huge and high up into the sun and even attaches to it. I wondered at the meaning of this unexpected event, and then a disembodied voice told me that in doing these exercises, I would not just be creating experiences for myself and getting what I want, I would also strengthen the communication between myself and my higher self, making communicating my desires easier and more effective in the future. Come to think of it, that also means I would be more aware of what my Higher Self wants me to do or know. Come to think of it again, that disembodied voice must have been my Higher Self. The second time I did the exercise, more green vines grew, wrapping around the existing ones, making the channel a little bit thicker and stronger.
Although I have been pleased with the results I have gotten so far, I have been reminded of the common warnings about being careful what we wish for. So far it has worked much better than I expected, but never quite in the way I expected it to happen. The most interesting part was that during the process of going through the exercise, I spontaneously started visualizing in my active imagination being in a particular situation. This is not a strange situation, but it is something that has never happened in the way I visualized it... until a few days later that very week. So things happened both in a way I did not expect, and also just like I visualized in some respects. That specific situation just popped into my head, I did not plan it before sitting down to do the exercise, so it makes me wonder whether I had only predicted what was already going to happen, or did I make something happen. I think the truth is that there is not much of a difference between the two.
It looks like it takes a good three days or so for the results of such an exercise to manifest itself. And it's not all fun and games, the day before I started getting the desired results, I got into a bad mood and felt anxious and frustrated. But that was good, I think it was part of the process, because it made me think about relevant related problems, it uncovered more layers of neuroses in my mind I should to work on.
There is also an exercise on "Changing your beliefs". I'll have to try that one soon.
On Stories and Lies
I saw the movie The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus the other day. That movie is all about the power of imagination, and how telling stories sustains the universe and reality itself. That idea sounds all pretty and romantic, but there's a dark side to that truth. Stories do not just fill us with awe and noble ideals, they can also trap us and limit us.
Lately it's a pet peeve of mine how people always like to tell stories, give reasons and excuses for why something is the way it is, even when those stories are very tenuous, unverifiable, or unnecessary. It's probably not a good example, but a recent one springs to mind: I overheard someone said something like "When I pinch someone it hurts because I play the piano". The piano-playing seemed very irrelevant in the larger context, it seemed like a dumb thing to say at the time... As if pinching people does not usually hurt. More commonly offensive, it will be said that someone has some personality trait because they are Irish, or Latin, Nordic, male or female. Most people today in modern society are taught to understand how unfair and limiting such "stories" based on racism and sexism can be. Note how these labels do not explain or inform in any way yet still they satisfy something inside the mind sometimes; e.g. The amount of melanin in one's skin has no apparent cause-and-effect relationship with dancing ability, but that does not stop people from saying "[white person] can't dance because he is white". Perhaps skin color can be associated with culture and upbringing, but why not just say "[white person] can't dance because of his upbringing". That would make more sense but that is still bullshit, just another "story". A person can be a good or bad dancer regardless of or despite any kind of upbringing.
For another example, consider the ideas of "evolutionism". Now, I'm not debating against evolution, I use the word "evolutionism" here to refer to the way many materialistic folks think these days; they constantly make up stories out of thin air about why people behave the way they do. These stories are completely unverifiable and unfalsifiable, but people relate them to evolution and evolution is all sciency so that is enough proof for them. If there is some tendency for men to behave differently from women, it must be because "men were hunters and women were gatherers and so blah blah blah". It is a simple and satisfying story, so who needs actual facts or evidence?
Feminism, or at least its internet implementation is another pet peeve of mines. I have a bad habit of reading feminist blogs when I'm bored, just so I can feel shocked and disgusted at how warped and deranged the thinking of supposedly sentient beings can be. Feminism likes to tell the story of poor oppressed downtrodden Woman. Woman throughout history has had everything worse than The Man. Forget the reality of the diversity of human experience, forget ordinary men and women living and loving together, sharing their struggles in surviving and raising their families. It would not be so annoying if it was not how most people seem to see the world these days. Most people actually believe that Today is special, and in the past everyone followed the rules and no one thought for themselves. They act like history consists of men sitting in mansions and sipping martinis while women slaved away in cotton fields. They think that somehow in a world that lacked tv and internet and newspapers there existed stronger and more universal and oppressive social norms. Facts about men's disadvantages in life throughout history are ignored and minimized.
So I do not like history books much either, they try too hard to make everything a nice neat little story.
And then people tell stories that completely contradict each other. It really makes me scratch my head. For instance, open the newspaper and read about "kids these days". Read about how all kids are ostracized and gay-bullied and abused all day long, alongside another article about how spoiled kids are these days and how they are constantly rewarded for participating and never criticized and treated with kid-gloves by "helicopter-parents" and with their self-esteem coddled all day long.
I am getting tired of stories. I like facts. Facts can be tricky, but many of them are quite simple. I am typing this using a computer: Fact. I am typing this on a computer because evolution women oppressed gay bullying : Story. Stories help us remember facts, but do not confuse them for facts. I get the impression that that idea is a rabbit hole I have barely begun to explore enough. I use the word "story" here to mean one or more facts or stories strung together in a narrative, often using cause-and-effect.
In physical reality, regular science has found that seemingly solid stable matter is made up of jiggly atoms with plenty of space in-between. And those atoms are made of some particles and more space. And then those particles are made of subatomic particles, but then at the bottom of it all, it's just space with energy trapped within it. Solid matter is an illusion. That's basically what the Qabalah has taught for hundreds or thousands of years, but anyway, my point is just to illustrate using metaphor what perhaps is the truth about metaphysical reality. We conceive of reality with stories, and words which act as labels. But such things only have meaning because they point to something else, they can be broken down into more stories, facts, and labels. Perhaps there is no meaning at the bottom of all these stories and labels. Perhaps metaphysical reality is based not on solid stable meaning, but just the trapped, swirling energy of emotions and desires.
I can philosophize forever, I bore myself. At the end of the day, what use is this knowledge? How can we put it into practice?
First, note that often the purpose of these stories are to deny free will, to pretend we do not have choices, to satisfy desires and emotions. (Unless I am just telling myself a story in saying that). One might be tempted to feel disturbed that we are all trapped in stories that are not necessarily true, there is no apparent way to stop telling them. But perhaps we can take conscious control of this story-telling, we can take an existing story that we do not like anymore and rewrite it. Realizing this is a breakthrough I have had recently, it's really starting to sink in. Yet it's just more of the same along the same vein I have been in for a while: realizing that magic is everywhere, it's been there all along. Men and women are asleep, mired in illusion. The magician, the Initiate, learns to choose his or her illusions.
For a little while it felt a bit like losing my mind. For a day or two I kept questioning everything, any kind of assertion about cause and effect. I realized that you can take any two facts and pretend that one causes the other if you try hard enough. Some illusions work better than others, but in the end it's all illusion.
A person must first look inside of themselves and see which stories they have been telling themselves that they do not want anymore, see which stories have outlived their usefulness.
One may tell themselves the story about how they had abusive, unloving parents, in the context of how they themselves are or will be as parents. Too often that story goes, "I had bad parents, so that means I have no choice but to be a bad parent too." But it would be just as reasonable to say "I had bad parents, so that means I will be a better parent because I have the special opportunity to learn from my own parents' mistakes."
It has sunk in that any story, all stories, without exception, we tell ourselves can be changed, remodeled. One can have the most oppressive, grueling, and cruel existence and then just spin that into a proud story of being strong, brave, and heroic. Or we can pick and choose the facts that we pay attention to.
I read the book Neverending Story a while ago, last year. That book is awesome, the author explains some deep esoteric truths in there. There was that one part where a character explains that when something escapes "Fantastica" into physical reality, it becomes a lie. I still do not really understand the significance of that notion, but this is just my segueway into a discussion about lies:
Despite my better judgement, I saw the movie The Invention of Lying the other day. In this movie we have the high concept story of a world where no one ever lies. I knew in advance I would disagree with how they portrayed such a world, but mostly in the end I thought more about how sorry I felt sorry for Ricky Gervais (he wrote and starred in the movie); the movie was a window into his narrow dysfunctional worldview. Supposedly in such a world where people tell only the truth people would be mean all the time and insult and bully each other constantly, especially him. The most bizarre part is his emphasis on how supposedly ugly his nose his. He wrote the movie, so it is probably safe to assume he thinks his nose is too squat, since someone says so every five minutes in the movie. Meanwhile he has a perfectly nice and regular and unremarkable nose, I suppose he would not be happy unless he looked like Owen Wilson.
Reminds me of those situations where someone can read other people's minds, like Mel Gibson's What Woman Want or that one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I thought it was rather sick and wrong/incorrect how they assume people just think depressing and self-loathing thoughts all day.
Recently I also read an advice column where someone complained about how they dislike having to act fake and cheerful all of the time. I was depressed by the response from the advice columnist and other commentators. They all, without exception agreed that the "truth" is that we all have to act cheerful and fake because society rewards this. Another story that does not make sense. Tomorrow when it is convenient to the purpose of feeling oppressed and hopeless and without choices someone in the same advice column will complain that they are too cheerful and nice and society rewards assholes.
I assert here that deep down people are not so shallow and callous and ugly. At least there is no reason to think so. The things we fear the most have a way of seeming more real than things we are not so afraid of, but they are not any more or less real, or they do not have to be. When we break down and tell the truth, what stands out in our minds is the parts we have to say that are callous and shallow, but that does not mean that the callous and shallow is the truth. Cynics like to think that deep down we are just animals and we are selfish and want to kill and rape and plunder. Those are the parts of us that seem to jump out of us the most forcefully, but that is only because those are the parts of us that we push down the deepest. The image of pushing a flotation device underwater in a swimming pool comes to mind. When people act selfless, nice, and charitable, that is real. People get rewarded for being nice, and people get rewarded for being mean.
I would encourage anyone reading this to be yourself, speak your truth. It feels good to see see people get cranky and angry sometimes, it is good when it means justice, or something others can relate to. People who act cheerful in a fake way are obvious and repellant, in my opinion and experience anyway. If you say something uncalled-for, just apologize, and mean it, and move on. It's sensical and okay to have more than one opinion or feeling about something at the same time. Go ahead and be cranky, just not all the time. The most boring and repellant people are the ones who act the same all the time.
Anyway, for more information about the nature of the illusory stories we tell ourselves, I found material by the channeled individual Vywamus very elucidating.
Lately it's a pet peeve of mine how people always like to tell stories, give reasons and excuses for why something is the way it is, even when those stories are very tenuous, unverifiable, or unnecessary. It's probably not a good example, but a recent one springs to mind: I overheard someone said something like "When I pinch someone it hurts because I play the piano". The piano-playing seemed very irrelevant in the larger context, it seemed like a dumb thing to say at the time... As if pinching people does not usually hurt. More commonly offensive, it will be said that someone has some personality trait because they are Irish, or Latin, Nordic, male or female. Most people today in modern society are taught to understand how unfair and limiting such "stories" based on racism and sexism can be. Note how these labels do not explain or inform in any way yet still they satisfy something inside the mind sometimes; e.g. The amount of melanin in one's skin has no apparent cause-and-effect relationship with dancing ability, but that does not stop people from saying "[white person] can't dance because he is white". Perhaps skin color can be associated with culture and upbringing, but why not just say "[white person] can't dance because of his upbringing". That would make more sense but that is still bullshit, just another "story". A person can be a good or bad dancer regardless of or despite any kind of upbringing.
For another example, consider the ideas of "evolutionism". Now, I'm not debating against evolution, I use the word "evolutionism" here to refer to the way many materialistic folks think these days; they constantly make up stories out of thin air about why people behave the way they do. These stories are completely unverifiable and unfalsifiable, but people relate them to evolution and evolution is all sciency so that is enough proof for them. If there is some tendency for men to behave differently from women, it must be because "men were hunters and women were gatherers and so blah blah blah". It is a simple and satisfying story, so who needs actual facts or evidence?
Feminism, or at least its internet implementation is another pet peeve of mines. I have a bad habit of reading feminist blogs when I'm bored, just so I can feel shocked and disgusted at how warped and deranged the thinking of supposedly sentient beings can be. Feminism likes to tell the story of poor oppressed downtrodden Woman. Woman throughout history has had everything worse than The Man. Forget the reality of the diversity of human experience, forget ordinary men and women living and loving together, sharing their struggles in surviving and raising their families. It would not be so annoying if it was not how most people seem to see the world these days. Most people actually believe that Today is special, and in the past everyone followed the rules and no one thought for themselves. They act like history consists of men sitting in mansions and sipping martinis while women slaved away in cotton fields. They think that somehow in a world that lacked tv and internet and newspapers there existed stronger and more universal and oppressive social norms. Facts about men's disadvantages in life throughout history are ignored and minimized.
So I do not like history books much either, they try too hard to make everything a nice neat little story.
And then people tell stories that completely contradict each other. It really makes me scratch my head. For instance, open the newspaper and read about "kids these days". Read about how all kids are ostracized and gay-bullied and abused all day long, alongside another article about how spoiled kids are these days and how they are constantly rewarded for participating and never criticized and treated with kid-gloves by "helicopter-parents" and with their self-esteem coddled all day long.
I am getting tired of stories. I like facts. Facts can be tricky, but many of them are quite simple. I am typing this using a computer: Fact. I am typing this on a computer because evolution women oppressed gay bullying : Story. Stories help us remember facts, but do not confuse them for facts. I get the impression that that idea is a rabbit hole I have barely begun to explore enough. I use the word "story" here to mean one or more facts or stories strung together in a narrative, often using cause-and-effect.
In physical reality, regular science has found that seemingly solid stable matter is made up of jiggly atoms with plenty of space in-between. And those atoms are made of some particles and more space. And then those particles are made of subatomic particles, but then at the bottom of it all, it's just space with energy trapped within it. Solid matter is an illusion. That's basically what the Qabalah has taught for hundreds or thousands of years, but anyway, my point is just to illustrate using metaphor what perhaps is the truth about metaphysical reality. We conceive of reality with stories, and words which act as labels. But such things only have meaning because they point to something else, they can be broken down into more stories, facts, and labels. Perhaps there is no meaning at the bottom of all these stories and labels. Perhaps metaphysical reality is based not on solid stable meaning, but just the trapped, swirling energy of emotions and desires.
I can philosophize forever, I bore myself. At the end of the day, what use is this knowledge? How can we put it into practice?
First, note that often the purpose of these stories are to deny free will, to pretend we do not have choices, to satisfy desires and emotions. (Unless I am just telling myself a story in saying that). One might be tempted to feel disturbed that we are all trapped in stories that are not necessarily true, there is no apparent way to stop telling them. But perhaps we can take conscious control of this story-telling, we can take an existing story that we do not like anymore and rewrite it. Realizing this is a breakthrough I have had recently, it's really starting to sink in. Yet it's just more of the same along the same vein I have been in for a while: realizing that magic is everywhere, it's been there all along. Men and women are asleep, mired in illusion. The magician, the Initiate, learns to choose his or her illusions.
For a little while it felt a bit like losing my mind. For a day or two I kept questioning everything, any kind of assertion about cause and effect. I realized that you can take any two facts and pretend that one causes the other if you try hard enough. Some illusions work better than others, but in the end it's all illusion.
A person must first look inside of themselves and see which stories they have been telling themselves that they do not want anymore, see which stories have outlived their usefulness.
One may tell themselves the story about how they had abusive, unloving parents, in the context of how they themselves are or will be as parents. Too often that story goes, "I had bad parents, so that means I have no choice but to be a bad parent too." But it would be just as reasonable to say "I had bad parents, so that means I will be a better parent because I have the special opportunity to learn from my own parents' mistakes."
It has sunk in that any story, all stories, without exception, we tell ourselves can be changed, remodeled. One can have the most oppressive, grueling, and cruel existence and then just spin that into a proud story of being strong, brave, and heroic. Or we can pick and choose the facts that we pay attention to.
I read the book Neverending Story a while ago, last year. That book is awesome, the author explains some deep esoteric truths in there. There was that one part where a character explains that when something escapes "Fantastica" into physical reality, it becomes a lie. I still do not really understand the significance of that notion, but this is just my segueway into a discussion about lies:
Despite my better judgement, I saw the movie The Invention of Lying the other day. In this movie we have the high concept story of a world where no one ever lies. I knew in advance I would disagree with how they portrayed such a world, but mostly in the end I thought more about how sorry I felt sorry for Ricky Gervais (he wrote and starred in the movie); the movie was a window into his narrow dysfunctional worldview. Supposedly in such a world where people tell only the truth people would be mean all the time and insult and bully each other constantly, especially him. The most bizarre part is his emphasis on how supposedly ugly his nose his. He wrote the movie, so it is probably safe to assume he thinks his nose is too squat, since someone says so every five minutes in the movie. Meanwhile he has a perfectly nice and regular and unremarkable nose, I suppose he would not be happy unless he looked like Owen Wilson.
Reminds me of those situations where someone can read other people's minds, like Mel Gibson's What Woman Want or that one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I thought it was rather sick and wrong/incorrect how they assume people just think depressing and self-loathing thoughts all day.
Recently I also read an advice column where someone complained about how they dislike having to act fake and cheerful all of the time. I was depressed by the response from the advice columnist and other commentators. They all, without exception agreed that the "truth" is that we all have to act cheerful and fake because society rewards this. Another story that does not make sense. Tomorrow when it is convenient to the purpose of feeling oppressed and hopeless and without choices someone in the same advice column will complain that they are too cheerful and nice and society rewards assholes.
I assert here that deep down people are not so shallow and callous and ugly. At least there is no reason to think so. The things we fear the most have a way of seeming more real than things we are not so afraid of, but they are not any more or less real, or they do not have to be. When we break down and tell the truth, what stands out in our minds is the parts we have to say that are callous and shallow, but that does not mean that the callous and shallow is the truth. Cynics like to think that deep down we are just animals and we are selfish and want to kill and rape and plunder. Those are the parts of us that seem to jump out of us the most forcefully, but that is only because those are the parts of us that we push down the deepest. The image of pushing a flotation device underwater in a swimming pool comes to mind. When people act selfless, nice, and charitable, that is real. People get rewarded for being nice, and people get rewarded for being mean.
I would encourage anyone reading this to be yourself, speak your truth. It feels good to see see people get cranky and angry sometimes, it is good when it means justice, or something others can relate to. People who act cheerful in a fake way are obvious and repellant, in my opinion and experience anyway. If you say something uncalled-for, just apologize, and mean it, and move on. It's sensical and okay to have more than one opinion or feeling about something at the same time. Go ahead and be cranky, just not all the time. The most boring and repellant people are the ones who act the same all the time.
Anyway, for more information about the nature of the illusory stories we tell ourselves, I found material by the channeled individual Vywamus very elucidating.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Spiritual Development for Beginners
Here I will write a few words of advice for the beginner spiritual seeker. I feel compelled to because I remember being a very beginner. Through the years I often found myself thinking, "I wish someone had told me this before!" Or, "I wish someone had explained this to me in this way!"
To start with, meditation is very important, perhaps the most important thing, especially for a beginner. It might seem very difficult but a little goes a long way. I know from experience, starting the day with merely 20 minutes of meditation makes the rest of the day go by so much more smoothly. I am not particularly good at meditating, sometimes my sessions consist of mostly just sitting and thinking and forgetting that I am supposed to be clearing my mind, but I still find it very beneficial. The benefit is that it becomes much easier to pay attention and do what I am supposed to do throughout the day, instead of it being a struggle to be disciplined and have willpower.
And so I would recommend meditating for 20 minutes sessions, 2-3 times a day. Do not be discouraged if you cannot clear your mind, take it slow, consider a success to merely take the time to sit in silence. My issue with meditating was that I felt like if I did not do it right then it was a waste of time. I am saying here for those who listen: It is never a waste of time! There are other levels of reality, levels of consciousness that are difficult to perceive, and on some of those levels a great deal is being accomplished.
Here I will emphasize that a crucial, central part of spiritual development is communication with discarnate entities. If you are reading this, you have probably heard of "spirit guides", angels, ultraterrestrials, ascended masters. There are the Plaedians, the Cassiopaens, Jane Roberts channeling "Seth", The Law of One/Ra Material, The Great White Brotherhood. You might wonder, "how can I open up communication with beings like that?"
A major hurdle for the beginner is appreciating the communication that is already there so that he or she may build on it. So, my advice to someone who wants to accelerate their understanding and communication with such entities would be to meditate every day, and to practice Qabbalistic pathworking. Pay attention to what you are doing when you daydream or talk to "yourself". Do visualization exercises designed for contacting the Higher Self. Don't just read about them, go out and do them and be confident they will work even though [insert excuse here]. That's what worked for me anyway. Talking to "spirits" or whatever one may call it might seem like something only special people can do, but that truly is not the case at all. It is very common and normal, and most of all should not be automatically equated with mental illness.
I really started being perceptive of such entities after this sequence of events: First, I found the willpower to meditate every day. After a few weeks or so I was inspired to learn about Qabbalistic pathworking. Then I started doing those. After doing the third one I tried, the one associated The Moon tarot card (Netzach to Malkuth), I was then inspired to try an "Initiation" exercise from The New Hermetics: 21st Century Magick for Illumination and Power by Jason Augustus Newcomb. I did that exercise once and the very next day, my life was changed. (You can read the exercise on page 75 of the amazon dot com preview of the book if you do a search). I won't bore you with details, but the very next day I became very aware and perceptive of a great teacher entity. I did not hallucinate, but could see her in minds eye, and distinctly felt a great presence, and had some other interesting incidents later. My point is it did not take very long to make this happen for me. Although I must admit, for a few years before I studied magic(k), the qabbalah, and supernatural phenomena, and that probably helped too.
Once one becomes comfortable with and aware of these communications, they will guide your learning process. You will be inspired with epiphanies, and be guided towards various books and people and situations. This experience is pretty cool and exciting, but sometimes you still will feel lost, confused and alone. It is just like the tv shows Joan of Arcadia or Wonderfalls. You will be guided to do things you do not understand at first, or see the purpose of, but you will feel comfortable to just go with it. Or maybe not comfortable, I suppose many people doubt their sanity in living like that. Society teaches us that that kind of thinking is insane, but I realized at a young age that society is dumb.
So, in conclusion, I could say much more about spiritual development, but I want to keep this advice relatively short. To summarize: Meditation and visualization exercises open the door to spirit-guide communication, and then those guides can point you the rest of the way. Don't spend too much time reading books, many of those who have reached enlightenment can't read or write a word. Just read the books that are right for you, and be receptive to the communications you already receive every day.
To start with, meditation is very important, perhaps the most important thing, especially for a beginner. It might seem very difficult but a little goes a long way. I know from experience, starting the day with merely 20 minutes of meditation makes the rest of the day go by so much more smoothly. I am not particularly good at meditating, sometimes my sessions consist of mostly just sitting and thinking and forgetting that I am supposed to be clearing my mind, but I still find it very beneficial. The benefit is that it becomes much easier to pay attention and do what I am supposed to do throughout the day, instead of it being a struggle to be disciplined and have willpower.
And so I would recommend meditating for 20 minutes sessions, 2-3 times a day. Do not be discouraged if you cannot clear your mind, take it slow, consider a success to merely take the time to sit in silence. My issue with meditating was that I felt like if I did not do it right then it was a waste of time. I am saying here for those who listen: It is never a waste of time! There are other levels of reality, levels of consciousness that are difficult to perceive, and on some of those levels a great deal is being accomplished.
Here I will emphasize that a crucial, central part of spiritual development is communication with discarnate entities. If you are reading this, you have probably heard of "spirit guides", angels, ultraterrestrials, ascended masters. There are the Plaedians, the Cassiopaens, Jane Roberts channeling "Seth", The Law of One/Ra Material, The Great White Brotherhood. You might wonder, "how can I open up communication with beings like that?"
A major hurdle for the beginner is appreciating the communication that is already there so that he or she may build on it. So, my advice to someone who wants to accelerate their understanding and communication with such entities would be to meditate every day, and to practice Qabbalistic pathworking. Pay attention to what you are doing when you daydream or talk to "yourself". Do visualization exercises designed for contacting the Higher Self. Don't just read about them, go out and do them and be confident they will work even though [insert excuse here]. That's what worked for me anyway. Talking to "spirits" or whatever one may call it might seem like something only special people can do, but that truly is not the case at all. It is very common and normal, and most of all should not be automatically equated with mental illness.
I really started being perceptive of such entities after this sequence of events: First, I found the willpower to meditate every day. After a few weeks or so I was inspired to learn about Qabbalistic pathworking. Then I started doing those. After doing the third one I tried, the one associated The Moon tarot card (Netzach to Malkuth), I was then inspired to try an "Initiation" exercise from The New Hermetics: 21st Century Magick for Illumination and Power by Jason Augustus Newcomb. I did that exercise once and the very next day, my life was changed. (You can read the exercise on page 75 of the amazon dot com preview of the book if you do a search). I won't bore you with details, but the very next day I became very aware and perceptive of a great teacher entity. I did not hallucinate, but could see her in minds eye, and distinctly felt a great presence, and had some other interesting incidents later. My point is it did not take very long to make this happen for me. Although I must admit, for a few years before I studied magic(k), the qabbalah, and supernatural phenomena, and that probably helped too.
Once one becomes comfortable with and aware of these communications, they will guide your learning process. You will be inspired with epiphanies, and be guided towards various books and people and situations. This experience is pretty cool and exciting, but sometimes you still will feel lost, confused and alone. It is just like the tv shows Joan of Arcadia or Wonderfalls. You will be guided to do things you do not understand at first, or see the purpose of, but you will feel comfortable to just go with it. Or maybe not comfortable, I suppose many people doubt their sanity in living like that. Society teaches us that that kind of thinking is insane, but I realized at a young age that society is dumb.
So, in conclusion, I could say much more about spiritual development, but I want to keep this advice relatively short. To summarize: Meditation and visualization exercises open the door to spirit-guide communication, and then those guides can point you the rest of the way. Don't spend too much time reading books, many of those who have reached enlightenment can't read or write a word. Just read the books that are right for you, and be receptive to the communications you already receive every day.
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