Awakening the Illuminated Heart

A few months ago I attended an "Awakening The Illuminated Heart" workshop.  I think I shall finally get around to writing some notes here so I do not forget the important material.  These notes should not replace someone going to the workshop, but it can give the reader some idea of what to expect.

So herein this post I have three goals 1) Introduce the ideas of creating from the heart, the merkaba, and why they are important; to whet the appetite of those so inclined to learn more about the subject.  2) Write some notes for myself to remember the important material.  (In the class they did not give any handouts or pamphlets... no hard materials whatsoever!)  3) Relate some aspects of my personal experience that I think are sorely lacking in the mainstream material on the topic.

First for the those of you unfamiliar with this, I will tell you why the material is important.  We are living in a time of transition, from living in a polarized world to a world of unity.  In this polarized world we create using the brain.  The problem with this creation process with the brain is that inadvertently, in the process there are always unintended consequences that cause pain and suffering.  But when we create with the heart we create with love and unity, in harmony with all of creation, such that there are no unintended consequences.  In the next few years, when we transition to 4D and 5D reality, those of us who cannot find the place in our hearts to create with love will be lost.  The creation process based on the brain will not be available anymore in the new dimension.

The final goal of the workshop, after healing and preliminary exercises, is to activate the merkaba, an energy field around ones body that allows one to create with the heart.  The idea is that one must first create the merkaba, and then after that one can create anything else, the merkaba having been activated.  The information has not been released yet, but eventually I hear we shall be taught how to use the merkaba to transition to a different dimension.  How exciting!  If there is a workshop for that then I will certainly attend.  Maybe the people who take the time to learn this will be able to transition before most people do.

There was an older process of creating the merkaba with the 17 breaths and mudras and what-not, but now there is a newer simpler way that creates the merkaba perfectly from the heart, instead of from the brain, that is perfect and permanent.

There is also a theory that when the earth magnetic field collapses due to the pole shift, everyone's memories could be erased -everyone except those who are protected by a merkaba field.  So doing this work may be crucial to being prepared for the next few years.

This is my own personal theory: perhaps by consciously learning how to create the merkaba, perhaps by some 100th-monkey-effect, it will help other people spontaneously develop theirs, so perhaps doing this work is a great help to other individuals who would not have the opportunity to attend a workshop.

For a fuller treatment of the subject read Drunvalo Melchizedek books, also there are plenty of videos on youtube. 

So here are the basic steps of creating using the heart:

1. Make sure the eight beams around the head are active and pulsating in sync.
2. Connect with mother earth and father sky.
3. Travel to the sacred tiny space in the heart.
4. Have an intention of what to create.
5. Start rubbing the roof of the mouth with the tongue, the little bump far back in the center where the hard palate ends.  Keep doing this until the end.
6. With simple intention, turn the pineal gland forward to connect with the third eye chakra.
7. Ideally, one should see a green spiral or vortex eventually, but that is not necessary.
8. Breathe through the prana tube, with prana continually coming in from both ends at the same time and meeting at the heart.  (There is no exhaling of prana).
9. Feel the the beams connect to the created halo and the full energy system connected.
10. Observe the images and inspiration that come to mind.

So what does it feel like to create the merkaba, to create with the heart?  I am disappointed in the lack of information on the internet about actual experiences by ordinary individuals, so I will write about my experience.  First, to remove the temptation to continue on with qualifiers in every sentence (e.g. "maybe", "I'm not sure but", "it was only a subtle feeling, not 100% it means what I think", "your experience may be different but") I shall just state here I am not 100% sure about all this, and get it out of the way.  The teacher said she could definitely sense that we had all succeeded, but part of me can't help being skeptical, I would think at least one person in the class would not succeed at first.  But the teacher really really did not seem like the type of person who would lie.

I wish there were more dramatic sensations with this process.  I wish that the moment of merkaba activation was marked with the flailing of limbs, rolling around on the floor and speaking in tongues, objects being telekinetically thrown about the room, but it was nothing like that.  Perhaps that would unpleasant but it would obviously impress itself on the mind better.  The sensations I relate here were subtle, only definite enough that I am compelled to note them and relate them.  I am not especially psychic, but I have the knowledge and experience to know to pay attention to the little things.

Okay, finally: here it is, my experience:

The process is relatively easy, requiring only a light altered state like simple day-dreaming.  I really wanted to see the green light and vortex but the things I could clearly see, (as if with my physical eyes not my daydreaming minds eye), were usually short-lived and unclear.  At one point I did see a vortex, a dynamic flowing oval-shaped thing like water circling down a drain.  I always give up on getting any stable visual image, and continue on the next step of breathing prana, and then that is when things get interesting.  I start seeing more colors and lights and shapes in my visions, and eventually I feel warm and tingly all over.  Then I call that done.  This creation from the heart is supposed to be a sexual process between the brain and the heart, so it makes sense to get some feeling reminiscent of climax/orgasm at the end.  It apparently worked for creating the merkaba even though I forgot about the halo, etc. at my first run-throughs of the process.

After finishing with the first process of creating the merkaba, I opened my eyes and got up, surprised to feel like I have a thin flat round solid white disk all around me.  With conscious intention I could sense the counter-rotating pyramids, but spontaneously mostly I just felt a flat white disc centered at my torso that stretches a long distance.  Usually people equate "merkaba" with the star tetrahedron, or a flying-saucer shape, but the most vivid part I can sense is just a simple flat disc, like wearing a some strange, extensive skirt.  I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror after the merkaba creation process, and felt like I looked different, more "clean" or something.

The next time I went to bed, I had some vivid experiences of hearing voices, sleep paralysis, a unique shifting energy motions throughout my body.  The next day I got absorbed in my thoughts, as if I were channelling and downloading information on various topics.  I thought a lot about angels for some reason.  Angels never really appealed to me, they just seemed like mindless, sexless, automatons.  After ruminating that day though, now I have a new appreciation of them, now I see them more as like sophisticated, wonderful robots that were created with great love and care by the cosmic super genius that is "god".

I found myself egotistically fantasizing about showing off my merkaba, about attracting black helicopters, and being detected on sensors and explaining the reality of it to the uninitiated, thereby blowing their minds.  No black helicopters for me though.  The MiB must be used to us merkaba activators by now.

Completing the workshop marks a new era in my spiritual development.  I used to always wear a pentacle/pentragram pendant made of silver that I was proud of.  To me it symbolized having completed all of the pathworking meditations on the Tree of Life, all 22 of them.  Now a pentagram seems a bit quaint to me, it is almost a symbol of polarity.  Often one gets the impression that after this life, after this dimension is just a vast nothingness, that our only choices are an unpredictable chaotic world full of suffering, or a boring static world where individuals just sit on a cloud worshipping god for all eternity.  But now I have an exciting image of the future, of a new world where one can create, live, play without polarity and suffering.  A future that has everything good that we have now, and the potential for even more.

I always hid that pentagram pendant under my shirt, wanting to avoid attention from those who would call me a devil-worshipper or something.  Now I wear lovely elegant heart pendant that I am proud to show off.  Everyone knows what the heart is, and what it means.

I look forward to exploring this new way of being, and experiencing how complex, sophisticated, engaging, and exciting creating with unity instead of polarity can be.

Interconnectedness

Spiritual traditions around the world speak of interconnectedness and unity of all living things and reality, but it is so hard to truly fathom.  Other individuals do things all the time that we do not understand, that we do not know about.  They act in ways that appear so counter to our own free will and well-being.  How can two things be one, and yet be in so much conflict?

And yet, that is exactly the same contradiction that arises when considering the supposed unity of the human mind.  While studying psychology, one will learn that the human mind regularly falls prey to subconscious ideas and impulses that are counterproductive, contradictory, or just nonsensical:  Irrational beliefs, phobias, and neuroses, attractions to familiar yet painful relationships and situations.  A typical person may struggle with these for their entire life.

However, getting in touch with various parts of the subconscious mind can be a very healing experience.  It is a powerful experience to have for oneself, to observe that this process of truly acknowledging and accepting these parts of ourselves (even though at first they seem to make little sense and to have come out of nowhere) results in so much growth, enlightenment, even joy.  Nothing convinces like empirical observation and first-hand experience.

The other day I read something interesting, unfortunately I forget the source.  I read about a therapist who healed his patients by apologizing to them.  He did not apologize for anything he did, no, he apologized for things someone else did, and it worked, it healed the patients.  Something about this situation struck a chord in me.  Often the world seems so lonely, it seems as if we are all on our own to get over our problems, but this situation shows that people can help each other and grow if we go out on that limb and accept "other" people's sins.  It's all rather Christ-like, to atone for the sins of another.

This also illustrates the practical application of faith.  Faith is often derided as being just blind, irrational belief, but faith is about believing something we learned on a higher level of reality even though it seems to contradict what one observes on a "lower" level.  But perhaps this does not count as faith since the rewards of acting on this idea of the interconnectedness of all things can be so forthcoming.

Anyway, so to albeit a limited degree, I have learned that to evolve one must accept that other people, that the whole world is a part of us, we are a part of them.  It can be a painful, difficult, and tedious process.  It defies our intuition to accept the actions of strangers we have never met that live on the other side of the earth, but doing so has an effect.

Lately I have been reading about and listening to interviews of men like Rupert Sheldrake, David Wilcock, Dean Radin.  Their ideas about "morphic fields", "the source field", research into psi, also illustrate how everyone is connected and affects one another.  But what really convinces me is the analogy of psychological issues with interpersonal issues.  If I can accept that parts of my mind believe things I consciously disagree with, that ones mind can apparently contradict itself and even attack the body, parts of it appear so very separate, yet still be one person, then logically I must accept the possibility that other people are one with myself too, despite all outward appearances.  The other possibility is that the contradictions in ones mind reflects a true separation, e.g., being possessed by demons... but that is a discussion for another day.

Book Of Aquarius

I just came across this today.  Typically I wouldn't just post a link to this blog, but this seems worth advertising.  Very interesting material on alchemy:


http://bookofaquarius.forgottenbooks.org/

The Difficult Marriage of Science and Spirituality

When modern "educated" people think of spirituality, they think of religion and all of its negative connotations, of crusades, dogmatism, the politics and scandals of the Catholic Church.  Science, when observed as it actually is, not as its ideals, is spoiled by just as much dogmatism, politics and scandals.  But here in this essay I will refer to science and spirituality in their ideal forms as simply different perspectives in observing the world and searching for truth.

One does not have have to travel far off the beaten path to come across information supposedly proposing ways to find harmony between the ideas of science and the ideas of spirituality.  However, I am often very disappointed and frustrated at how counter-productively these ideas of harmony and union are expressed.

Once I came across an article on the internet about "the hidden brain".  Obviously it was discussing the subconscious, and fortunately someone in the comments section pointed that out.  He also pointed out that the term "the subconscious" has taken up some negative connotations and that is why they use "the hidden brain" instead.  Terrible articles like that is why I am so skeptical when there are discussions about how humanity is advancing and evolving.  Instead of developing ideas as far as they'll go, instead the same ideas get thrown out over and over again, repackaged and relabeled.  Then when it is rediscovered, many people who notice this repackaging decide that that is reason enough to dismiss the idea.

One of my pet peeves is how near-death-experiences are described.  They always make it sound like a once-in-a-lifetime experience that only happens to people who are sick or get into an accident.  They are conflated with out-of-body experiences.  The reality you do not have to be near-death to have these experiences.  Many people, naturally or with training, can have out-of-body experiences at will whenever they want.  But in the vast majority of articles on the subject, no mention is made of this whatsoever.  The casual reader is left thinking, "that sounds cool to experience, but meh it will never happen to me".

I love the books by Robert Bruce, but they disappoint me too.  His books about out-of-body-experience and energy work are the best, except he almost never mentions or refers to the traditions that have already discovered and described this kind of work.  If you look in depth in the forums for his website or something, he will mention that he has studied and practiced a great deal along the lines of Franz Bardon's works, but he never mentions that in his books.  In a way I understand, he wants to sell books, and reach an audience that believes that the occult is scary and evil and too hard.  But still... I am disappoint.  Divorcing practices from its history and symbols practically neuters it.  No one technically needs to know about classic occult ideas and symbols, imagery, words of power, to experience astral projection, but using them can make the process far more efficient.

Then it boggles my mind how conspiracy theorists typically are so quick to completely dismiss anything related to magic(k) and the occult as devil-worship and mind-control.  ("Conspiracy Theorists" has a negative connotation, okay, but some write sober well-researched and interesting books, I am talking about them.)  They speak of the wool being pulled over humanity's eyes, but then turn their backs on the very tools that would give them the knowledge and power to overcome the pathocracy.

Recently I came across some videos called "Debunking David Icke".  Ironically, it convinced me more than ever that David Icke is a worthwhile source of information.  It went into detail about how he has downplayed his alleged communication with incorporeal entities, and how his ideas are similar to theosophical ones.  Often I do not like the way he words things, but I can tell that he really gets it;  He gets that physical reality is an illusion, and humanity is part of something much bigger.  However, my main point is that David Icke yet another decent source of information that downplays his connection to taboo "occult" sources.

Another obstacle is just plain old lack of critical thinking and intelligence.  If you look for evidence of alien abductions and UFOs, most of the time you come up with utterly worthless anecdotes about sleep paralysis or a picture of the sky with a smudge on it.  The casual researcher will come to the conclusion that UFOs started appearing in the 1950's and evidence is slim.  But that is ignorant nonsense.  Meanwhile there is plenty of real evidence that does not get mentioned at all.  There is a book I read called Operation Trojan Horse by John Keel.  He gives information about incidents that conveniently get left out of newspaper articles about UFO sightings.  There are countless incidents from all over history about flying saucers and meetings with strange humanoid beings.  Evidence suggests that alien abductions and UFOs are just a modern manifestation/interpretation of age old demonological phenomena.  If someone meets a strange creature they might call in an angel, ghost, demon, alien, fairy, elf, it depends on their mindset and preconceptions.  The problem I mean to highlight here is that I have observed that even people who have read about good evidence do not favor that convincing evidence over "one time I got drunk and lost time" stories.

The other day I came across a video called "The Primacy of Consciousness".  It was a presentation by one Peter Russell.  It was interesting food for thought, but some of his main points were not logically sound.  I found it particularly annoying how the audience kept laughing at or applauding things he said.  It left me with the distinct impression they just liked his ideas because they support their feel-good new-agey beliefs, not because the reasoning is actually sound.

So I find this frustrating, science and spirituality could have gotten "married" a long time ago.  So many people are just so unintelligent and close-minded, and then those in the know end up pandering to the unintelligent and close-minded.  I get to wondering how humanity can ever evolve if we cannot put these two approaches to reality in harmony.  But then, the voice I hear from within tells me that it's not that evolution is put on hold until this harmony is found, it is that this very process of finding that harmony is evolution in itself.  The same phenomena on a different level is the lone yogi striving to join his prana and apana.  Joining of male and female, solar and lunar, science and magic, all this is the same evolution reflected on different levels of reality.  I think the image of an eclipse symbolizes this pretty well.  This is what evolution is about.  It's not about the end result, its about the journey.  We should enjoy the journey, but personally... frankly, I do not.

*   *   *   *   *

My inspiration for this essay was a memorable experience.  I just woke up in the morning feeling so energetic, and inspired, and I was flooded with ideas with theme of the marriage of opposites.  After reading and writing for a while I decided to lie in bed, intending to rest, but instead the experience culminated in an emotional roller coaster ride.  I got this intense but cozy feeling of finally "coming home".  I thought about it and remembered that the idea of the marriage of opposites is associated with Mercury.  I looked up the date and time and I was interested to see that the time I was in bed was almost precisely the hour of Mercury.  Also note this was a Wednesday.  It makes perfect sense that I would have such an intense epiphany on the subject during the day and hour of Mercury.  I find it interesting how sometimes I can naturally feel what the current planetary hour is.  In magic and alchemy there is often advice given to perform a ritual during the relevant planetary hour, but I have experienced that often things just happen that way seemingly by coincidence.

Magic For Personal Gain

Spiritual traditions teach humanity about the basic rules of how reality works.  But then egotistical humans twist it around, and make the rules all about morality, shame, and worthiness.  For instance, the basic law of karma, that what goes around comes around, it is not about individuals "deserving" good or bad things.  Karma is just about action and reaction.  If I punch something with my fist, I am likely to hurt my hand; My hand does not hurt as punishment, it hurts because of basic physical laws.  That is easier to understand because these physical laws are straightforward to observe compared to metaphysical phenomena.

This is also the situation when it comes to ideas about using magic for personal gain.  There are plenty of people out there who would try to shame you for daring to ask universe for more money, love, power.  But performing magic for any real significant external effect is just like starting a business.  You can start a business for personal gain, for sure, but the business will surely fail or be a great deal of trouble if your business is not for others' benefit as well.  Running a successful business is all about fulfilling the needs of the customers.  Also, in most businesses one must get some investors and employees on board to make things happen.

That is how magic is, magic is unlikely to work unless it is to fulfill some needs, but in this case the customer is the universe.  Getting things done is a matter of aligning ourselves with the forces on each level of reality.  This idea was highlighted to a while ago, I had finally worked up the motivation to do a practical spell.  When I got to down to doing it, it was like something else had taken over my body, I was running on autopilot, compelled by some source of supplemental energy, improvising effectively in ways I had not planned for.

There are many ways to approach practical magic, books are easy to find these days describing different ways.  But note that candles and incense are always very useful in practical magic.  Sold in any drug store, they generate a significant amount of etheric energy which attracts and sustains the incorporeal entities that would help you.

New Moon

Last month I did another moon-magic spell to find a job that pays more money than my old job.  I have not found a new job yet, but I feel more motivated to look.  Before I felt like to be a happy and fully realized person I probably had do something unconventional like live in an RV and become a professional gambler, or go join a monastery.  The thought of going to a job interview for another office-job, going in and pretending I don't hate convention and being alive and all of humanity and the universe itself seemed impossible.  Now I think I just need to work smarter.  I need to cut down on the distractions in my life.  So many times on the weekend I would be bored and desire a new project to work hard on, and it never even occurred to me to do something that is actually relevant to my career.  Then during the week at work I would feel so insecure and out-of-the-loop.  I do appreciate what a well-rounded person I am, having spent so much time reading about a variety of topics, but now perhaps it's time to focus on more narrow interests.

But I do not even understand what keeps me motivated.  I think people who are hard-core believers in "accomplishing things" and having a "career" etc. are suckers.  But then again, what else would I spend my time doing?  While I am living in the world, I might as well live in it; go with the flow.  I know that in my next job there will be stress, miscommunication and impossible situations and at least a couple of coworkers who annoy the ever-loving fuck out me.  Yet I think I just need to learn how to take it on more gracefully.

My point is, sitting at home with lots of free time is not making me happy either.  Working in an office can feel empty and meaningless, but scavenging for food and navigating unconventional lifestyles is work too and then on top of that one gives up many conveniences and money-making opportunities.

As an aside, I find it strange that many of the blogging male unconventional go-getters, (I even found a blog by a guy who was actually a professional gambler and lives in a van) are into the whole Pick-Up-Artist (PUA) scene.  I naively assumed looking for unconventional ways of living was supposed to be about being enlightened, finding that deep inner contentment, peace, destiny, meaning.  But then there are these male bloggers, they write about the whole PUA scene and philosophy and it's the most shallow, materialistic dreck imaginable.  (Then for women of course there are those ridiculously fake fashion/lifestyle blogs.)

Anyway, the point of this post is to report on that spell.  I followed the instructions in the book Sacred Magic of the Angels by David Goddard again.  So far it has proven effective in changing my attitude towards work.  I evoked the angel Sachiel.  The very next day I found my mindset was different.

I have also slowly been reading The Sea Priestess by Dion Fortune.  I find it pretty boring, to be honest.  The author's prissy British sensibilities really bog the story down, and it does not seem to be teaching me much.  One interesting coincidence is that the main character starts coming down with asthma.  Some months ago I started getting a similar problem, after having no asthma symptoms ever in my life.  For me its not so bad though, I just cough and wheeze a bit, especially directly after eating too much sugary junk food.

Imposter Syndrome

I got laid off from work.  This has really made me think about how little confidence I have.  The thought of going to job interviews and having people scrutinizing me and judging me is paralyzing at times.

Suddenly the way pretentious and egotistical people act makes perfect sense, I have that much more sympathy for them.  Life is so stressful and full of people and experiences that wear us down.  What better way to survive than to constantly tell oneself and others how great we are and putting other people down, especially those who just want to tear us down?  It's one of those things that might sound obvious, but now I really really get it.

I have a case of imposter syndrome.  It helps to look at my resume that I updated a few years ago even though I feel like it's someone else's resume.  I look at it and think "Did I do that?" in that Family Matters' Urkel-voice.

I feel like there is nowhere I can get good advice or a realistic perspective.  People love to give advice and spout talking points about job markets they have absolutely no experience in.  Job postings are notoriously misleading.

But I know that I just have to update my resume and put it out there.  Collect severance and unemployment, prepare for interviews, and wait.

I will look for a similar software engineering job, but I have a new idea: playing online poker.  I was reading an advice forum and it was suggested to an intelligent but socially anxious individual.  When the idea hit me that I could try that, I heard a tone in my right ear.  I certainly have the brains for it, and I get the distinct impression from what I've read it just takes a bit of studying and practice to make a profit.  What a perfect job for someone like me.  The strategy behind card games comes easily to me, my problem though is that often I have trouble paying attention.  But then another problem is do I have the discipline to stick to such a crazy scheme?  Do I like poker enough to study and play it every day?  I guess I'll have to see, for now I am still learning basic rules like a flush is better than a straight which is better than 3-of-a-kind.

In other news, I finished reading The Goat Foot God.  It was engaging enough while I read it, but now that I am done I feel unsatisfied.  The main theme of the book, unintentionally, seems to be "Life is good when you have money."

Reading the book now seems timely.  The main character experiences a big change in his life, and here I am freshly laid off from my job I had felt secure in for many years.  I naturally relate to the main female character though: an independant humble but intelligent woman.  In the book the main male character sometimes spontaneously experiences his past life as a monk.  My boyfriend seems to have a similar problem.  Just the other I heard him yelling "go away!  you're not welcome here!" in the shower.  I asked him if he was okay, and he said for a moment he felt like he was somewhere else.  (He is diagnosed with one or more psychiatric issues and mysterious debilitating health problems.  He is able to keep a job and we enjoy spending time together, so I do not really worry about it.  Sometimes I pray for a way to help him, but I intuit that he's just living his fated path, and perhaps deep down he does not want to/is not ready to get better.)

Anyway, I feel so cut off from my magical work lately.  I should at least meditate every day, and practice pathworking, start reading The Sea Priestess.

However, not long ago I did do a banishing.  I followed the instructions from the book, Sacred Magic of the Angels by David Goddard, to banish some of my health troubles: a variety of autoimmune troubles and chronic pain that seem increasingly common in modern society.  I evoked the Angel Uriel.  Looking back at my notes, just 9 days after doing that I lost my job.  I think these two events  are probably related.  I do feel better, healthwise, besides feeling anxious and demoralized about losing my job.  But before that I did an invoking ritual, I wanted knowledge about my connection to a certain person at work that I felt a strong connection to.  Now it is likely I will never see that person again.  Perhaps that is another influence.

Oh wow, looking back just now at what is written about Uriel, I really should not be surprised I lost my job: "Uriel rules separation and divorce, and breaks the bonds peacefully but effectively... Uriel's ways of bringing about results when he has been invoked are sudden and often devastating, so be prepared for upheavals in your life when you call on him."  I read that before but was skeptical and did not pay much attention to it.  I was prepared to have nothing noticable happen.

I am looking again at the book now.  In the book I see it notes he is the "patron of astrology".  That is significant because of this:  I remember when I came home right after being laid off, one of the first things I did was go to my altar in my bedroom to meditate and pray for guidance and strength.  I wondered if I should search for a new career, I am proud to work as an engineer, but working in a office seems unreasonably stressful for a sensitive person as myself.  The angels above surely do not want to keep torturing me for no reason.  Soon a silent voice told me I should consider being an astrologist.  It said I would be good at it. 

I was suddenly strongly motivated to go research professional astrology on the internet, so I got up and went to my computer.  I came across a good quote by J.P. Morgan: "Millionaires do not consult astrologers, billionaires do".  However, quickly I came away concluding that my trying to be an astrologer would be a terrible and completely unrealistic idea.  That's an underground job market where connections and people skills are everything when it comes to making money off of it.  I decided to just note that that was what happened, that was what message I received even if I should not take it at face value, and keep an open mind.  Being an astrologer for rich and powerful people does sound pretty swank.  But now I think emphasizing astrology was just Uriel's way of making me realize he was connected to this incident.

I should have realized this sooner.  I really need to look back at my journal more regularly. 

I have imposter syndrome about being a witch too.  I am not some serious triple-blackbelt O.T.O. member with encyclopediac knowledge of Geomatria nor a 6th-degree Wiccan Priestess, but over the years I have gained so much wisdom and understanding that is hard to put into words and seems rare even among the certified initiates and priests.  But deep down part of me feels like it does not count.  Once again I did a magical working that worked, but it is just not sinking in right now yet.  But now I am at a point where I really feel like magic is something natural, not miraculous or even a big deal, since at the end of the day it still involves plenty of thinking and planning and work.  But I am proud of that having accomplished this mindset.  I'll write something more on this subject later.